In the darkness
As a child, I used to watch the series "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" Then I realised that in fact, we are not afraid of the darkness itself, but of what it can hide.
My darkness at home hides only the cat, whom I try hard not to step on when I return to my apartment. The darkness on the street is more insidious; there may be ice or puddles. But I am not afraid of puddles.
The monsters we have to face are not hiding in the dark. They are real and live in the neighbouring country.
So the darkness caused by these monsters does not frighten – it encourages.
It makes you call your loved ones more often. It is about calling, not writing. There may be no electricity at the other end of the line and you will have to wait for an answer until the next time the power is on.
It encourages you to see friends more often. The blackouts are periodic, and there is a possibility they have power when I do not, so we can go from house to house like children at Hallowe’en.
It makes you think ahead. If you don’t have cash, you may go hungry, because in my native Obolon district during the blackout the most you can do is buy shawarma, which is cooked by candlelight. A kind of war romance.
It makes you prepare in advance. Because you never know when your next opportunity to hunt for food will come.
Darkness encourages us to convert rage into donations as soon as the power resumes.
When I asked the Universe for work-life balance, I didn't mean I wanted to be able to work only from the office because there is a generator there, and that literally nothing would interfere with my sleep at home – not even work, not even Tik-Tok, Instagram or just the mobile network.
Without all this, half-read books that probably never expected to be finished, strategic stockpiles of sweets, battery-powered strings of fairy lights and a newly purchased Netflix subscription loaded with Christmas melodramas help me preserve my sanity.
When the latest melodrama ends, all I can hear is the sound of a generator running somewhere in the neighbourhood. The rather annoying buzzing that would have annoyed me before now seems pleasant. Someone has warmth and light.
When the light in the house comes on, I switch to its speed and run around the apartment, trying to do everything – charge the phone and power bank, heat the boiler, boil the kettle.
If I have done all this and the power is still on, I feel lost and do not know what to do next. Because every second with electricity should be spent constructively. I can't just continue to watch a series or write an article, because that can also be done without electricity.
I ask myself, am I afraid of the dark, and the answer is no.
Exupéry said that "the most important things are not visible to the eye" – but I have understood his meaning only now.. You can walk down the street, which is illuminated only by the flashlights of other passers-by, and read in these rays – "we will not surrender", "we will not be broken", "who did they try to intimidate?"
Because each of us is a point of invincibility.
Alina Polіakova
